In The Beginning...

A long long time ago, in a hospital not too far from here there was a mother giving birth to her first born. The operating room was getting hot, the mothers screams loud, and the smell of rancid shit was in full force. After thiry-seven hours of birth a young girl by the name of Lena Lavy was born into this world. Lena had a hard time growing up. Maybe it was her third nipple, maybe it was the disformed jaw, or could it have been the absence of tits...who knows? Thirteen years later Lena was named Lee when his family found out that his penis had been cut off during circumcision and the doctors had tried to pass him off as a girl. After accepting the fact that there would never be anything more than a nub inside of his pants Lee Lavy turned to singing. He started off with simple tunes, Duran Duran, Whitney Houston, New Kids on the Block. He eventually worked his way up to great talent such as The Police, The Cars, and other 80's pop music. About the time Lee's life had started there was another story taking place. Somewhere crusing the streets of Tijuana in his El Camino there was a fly pimp by the name of John Hamilton II. After a number of Coronas Mr. Hamilton entered the alley strip club thinking he was going to have a night of fun...Turns out he got more than he had bargained for. John Hamilton III was born to a fifteen-year-old mexican stripper nine months later. His mother's gonorrhea eventually spread up through her body and into her heart, killing her. His father smuggled him back to the states hoping to find him a life of free will and posperity, through music. Meanwhile a young lad by the name of John Gray was skipping down the streets of Polson, MT on his way home from the first grade. While quitely eating crayons and sniffing glue little John had discovered something he would not soon forget...no, not his penis, that was a few years down the road. John had discovered that by tuning his notebooks just right for hours and hours, covering them in duct tape, and using tampons as sticks he could make a drum set. It turned out to be quite the invention. Four years later, in a quiet little trailor park in Pablo, MT a young boy was being concieved. Nine months in the making, under unknown circumstances Adam Hertz came into this world. Everyday for the next seven years Adam's older brother and sister stuffed his mouth with silly puddy and beat him with lincoln logs, hoping it would eventually lead to mental retardation. It hadn't, but he now has a major panic attack everytime he smells a salty odor or sees small pieces of wood. Soonafter he stole his brother's bass guitar as collateral for the mental damage. Many years down the road, while searching for smut at the local sperm bank these four punks ran into eachother. Could it have been coincidence? Highly unprobable...

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